Everytime I share the news of our pregnancy with someone I immediately follow it up with a comment about miscarriage. I want to share my excitement at this new little life. I want to be happy about this pregnancy. I don't want to dwell on my chances of miscarriage, but inevitably I feel the need to add some caveat that with my history there is a good chance I will miscarry.
Even with total strangers I feel the need to add this note. Banana had a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. I was asking the doctor a quick question about some allergy problems I have been having. I asked if eye drops were ok in early pregnancy. She seemed surprised I was expecting and asked about the due date. Instead of giving her the answer, I made some comment about taking it day by day.
I am elated about this new life. I am so thankful I have been given the gift of this child no matter how long our time together may be. I want to joyfully share the news with friends and family. Why is that so hard to do?
I know I do this as a defensive mechanism. I am trying to set my own expectations as well as those of family and friends. The thing is, I know how much this doesn't work. I am excited, I am overjoyed, I am attached to this little life. Dwelling on the fact I might miscarry doesn't lessen that.
St. Gerard, pray for me.