{pretty, happy, funny, real}

Grandma Edition

{pretty}

Grandma spent the afternoon here last Saturday and after baths offered to roll the girls hair in rags so it would be curly for church. They all came out really beautifully. She also took the girls shopping so most of them are wearing new dresses to add to the prettiness.


{happy}

It makes me happy to see all the kids piled up around Grandma reading a book. I cherish these memories of my mom. Trust me, it is not an easy feat to read a book to that many little ones precariously perching on every available space on the rocker.


{funny}

The "before" picture of the girls in their rag rollers.

{real}

The boys also got new shirts, but trying to get a picture of them was not so pretty.

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Ice Cream Cones For Dinner

Several years ago, when Banana was almost four and Bear was eighteen months, we had gone back to California to vacation and visit old friends. When we lived in California we attended daily Mass at a Carmelite retreat center. The daily Mass community, the priests, and nuns there became dear friends, so when we came back for a visit they offered us a room. The Bishop's room to be precise, the room right on the other side of the chapel and the tabernacle. I cannot put into words what a blessing that turned out to be for our family.

We left for that vacation when I was a little over thirteen weeks pregnant. I was entering the second trimester and had breathed a sigh of relief thinking my chances of miscarriage were now pretty slim. We enjoyed telling old friends, many of whom knew our struggles with infertility, about our coming bundle of joy and I was glad I was feeling a little better and could enjoy their company. During the second week of our vacation, however, I began experiencing symptoms similar to that of my first miscarriage.

As the grief began to fall over me like a tidal wave in that little Bishop's room I sank into bed just a few feet from the blessed sacrament and I cried. David did the best he could to entertain two little girls in a confined space and took them for a walk, but it was growing close to dinnertime and my girls were much too young to understand the emotions that seemed to be paralyzing me. Despite my overwhelming sadness, there were grumbling tummies and two girls who had been enjoying a nice vacation not sure why things were now so somber. Dinner plans had to be made.

Banana decided we should make a dinner of ice cream cones. It was a hot July day in Southern California and ice cream sounded like the perfect solution to her hunger. To that little four year old ice cream was the ultimate good. She had no comprehension of nutrition and even if I had tried to explain to her the ins and outs of the digestive system and the need for nutritious food, she wouldn't have understood. She only knew that ice cream sure sounded good and it was unfair that her parents were denying her that privilege. There was very little reasoning taking place with her. Eventually she had to trust that as her parents, the two people who loved her most, we wanted the best for her even if she didn't (couldn't) understand.

Later that night, after dinner (I can't recall what we ate but it was not ice cream) and a trip to the emergency room to confirm I had indeed miscarried, we returned to the Bishop's room. We put the two little girls to bed, and I laid on the bed just opposite of the Eucharist and cried more. David took advantage of the chapel on the other side of the wall and also went to pray.

In the midst of the grief, I realized that in so many ways I was just like my little daughter. I was the toddler who couldn't understand why such a good, this child I already loved, would be taken from me. I was angry that the desire for a child would be put so strongly on my heart and then taken away. Then, slowly, I began to understand that in the same way there was a gap between my understanding of nutrition and little Banana's four year old reasoning of digestion, there existed in infinitely larger gap between my reasoning and God's. The same way a four-year-old can't fully understand nutrition, there are mysteries that I, in my human understanding, would never fully comprehend.

Isaiah 55:9 reads:"As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts."

 In that moment, so near to our Lord,  I realized I was being a whining, temper tantrum throwing four-year-old. I began to comprehend how much I needed to trust that God, who loves me infinitely more than parents love their children, wanted the ultimate good for me even if, like Banana, I didn't (couldn't) understand.

After four more miscarriages and countless other opportunities to abandon myself to God's plan instead of my own, I am still daily learning that lesson of trust.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

with the lovely ladies at Like Mother, Like Daughter

{pretty}

 Yesterday was an absolutely perfect day for a picnic. In God's divine providence, it turned out to be the day of our homeschooling group's Annual End of the Year Picnic.

This year Coach Q of The Homeschool Gym came with fun games for kids of all ages. Parachutes, balls, flags, frisbees, tons of organized games for all the kids to play. My girls had such a blast running and playing and enjoying the breeze, the friends, and the activities Coach Q put together.

{happy}

 I was happy to have some help keeping track of all the little ones. Earlier this year we found MK who comes three mornings a week to watch the little ones while I school the older girls. Her help has been an incredible answer to our prayers. She came yesterday and it was so nice to be able to relax knowing there were two sets of eyes on my littles.

With the extra help, I got a chance to visit and enjoy the winding down of our school year. The kids also enjoyed being with friends, making cereal necklaces, face painting, and some older boys even made balloon animals! It was such a fun day for everyone!

{funny}

 Did I mention my girls enjoyed the face painting? Doesn't this just look like a girl ready for the summer?

While not a fan of the face paint, Gabe did enjoy the watermelon. I have never seen a kid so serious about his watermelon. He is certain to get every shred of edible melon, and even then will not let go of the rind. He chose the melon over a popsicle so I guess I can't complain.

{real}

My real pictures should be of the hour or two before we left for the picnic because that was truly an ordeal. Alas there are no pictures of my destroyed kitchen floors, nor of the now faded kitchen mats. There are also no pictures of two little boys in brand new outfits, ready for a picnic at the park, now ruined by bleach stains and crying because of the soap in their eyes.

It seems no matter how organized I try to be, no matter how much effort I put into being ready to go the night before, it is inevitable that some disaster will strike. Yesterday, while I was in the shower, the boys dumped an entire bottle of dishwasher detergent on the kitchen floor. We found that one particular brand of our detergent has bleach (a lot of bleach) in it. We're trying to use it up and in hindsight I should have just thrown it away.

 

 Instead I do have pictures of the little work I did for our picnic. I set up a treasure hunt in the sand of our turtle sandbox, the sandbox that sits in our garage because dh doesn't like sandboxes.

It seemed to be a big hit. Although I suppose I could have had some great reality shots that evening when I had to bathe our boys because they were covered in sand and bathe the girls because they were covered in face paint...

Still it was a beautiful picnic and a lovely start to our summer!

Staying Cool

We went from record lows earlier this month to record highs the last few days...

Temperatures in the upper 90's today.

Finally the arrival of summer.

Which I would enjoy a little more if our a/c hadn't gone kaput this weekend.

We are drinking lots of water. The sound of fans on high is a constant drum of noise that, while less effective than the a/c, does have the effect of drowning out some of the noise of three little toddlers. We have also taken refuge in the basement.

Today the heat was a little too much for us though, so we abandoned the last of the school work and decided to let the young ones nap in the car and drove to the mall-- I had shoes to return :)

It also seemed the perfect time to renew an old tradition in our home, the summer purchase of sunglasses.

From the time Banana was a toddler, I have taken her to The Children's Place for sunglasses. She would try on six or seven pairs, settle on one, and we would have them for about a week or two. Joseph, for weeks, has been carrying around an old pair of yellow flowered sunglasses so I figured it was time to get him a pair of his own.

I figure my kids might as well look cool as we make our best effort to keep from melting in this heat!

There is no such thing as bad weather. All weather is good because it is God's.

-Saint Teresa of Avila

Daughters...

Tonight was the night.

A rite of passage as a parent.

It was the night I talked to Banana about getting older.

Yes, we began this talk a few months ago, but I knew the time had come to gently share a few more details. I agonized for a few days. Reread books to prepare myself. Mostly I prayed. I prayed for wisdom.

It turned out to be easier than I thought it would be. There were some moments of awkward silence, and as is my habit I filled them with silly jokes. There were moments I wished I were more eloquent. Still, it went very well.

Then somewhere in the midst of our conversations of soccer games and the latest Penny Parker novel, she flashed a smile at me. It was a moment I wanted to capture and hold. Hold next to those pictures in my memory of how beautiful she was when she was born -- this sweet, precious girl who ushered me into motherhood. The picture of her taking her first steps, of her sleeping peacefully on my chest, of her reading her first book, and riding a bike.

In that smile, I saw the last ten years and I wanted to somehow stop time so that I could spend so much more time with her. I wanted to hold her close forever. I wondered how it is more than ten years could have already passed.

Then, in that smile, I caught a glimpse of the moments we would have in the next ten years, and it was the only thing that made the passage of time bearable.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

The Backyard Edition

Since having the fence installed, we have taken every opportunity to let the kids play outside. Although we have a very small yard, it is nice to finally have a patch of green, be it ever so tiny, on which the kids can safely play.

 {pretty}

 

This little one seems to quite often be my pretty picture. In this case not only is my sweet Bophie beautiful, but the new pretty headband was a sweet gift from a generous Grandma. I also love these lilac bushes that line the back of our yard. This year they were in bloom for just a short span of time, but you can smell them all the way to the deck.

 I also think my freshly potted window boxes are a pretty sight from my kitchen window. I look forward to the fresh herbs and pretty flowers they will provide all summer.

 

{happy}

 

Green grass makes me happy. With all the rain we've been getting our yard seems so green this year. Pretty feet also make me happy. This week I had the privilege of going for my first pedicure with my mom and sisters on a kidless Saturday afternoon. Let's just say I hope this becomes a tradition repeated frequently, it was wonderful!

While I enjoyed being on my own for an afternoon, I was happy to come home to all these blessings. It makes me happy to watch them play with one another. Having lots of siblings means having lots of playmates. Moments like these make me happy.

{funny}

They aren't all those sweet moments, though.

This picture doesn't do justice to watching Joseph try so very hard to blow bubbles.It makes me laugh to see him make so many silly faces trying to get those bubbles to come out. In the end he was content to have Dad blow them for him. 

{real}

 

The shaggy dog needs groomed, even more so now that she stays outside so often. Here she is chewing on a chopstick from last night's Chinese meal enjoyed on the deck. She had a feast last night as we dined al fresco, thank goodness we were outside so the mess was not on my kitchen floor.

 

Reality is that while we enjoyed a few glimpses of sun, this week was spent largely indoors as it rained almost every day.

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Down the Homestretch

"It is our part to seek, His to grant what we ask; ours to make a beginning, His to bring it to completion; ours to offer what we can, His to finish what we cannot." — Saint Jerome

We are currently wrapping up our year of homeschooling. Subjects are slowly being finished, workbooks thrown away, final touches being put on projects, end of the year assessments are being taken. As mom and Chief Education Officer (CEO), I am evaluating what worked for us this year, what we should improve, and what direction our little school will take next year.

I am, by nature, a perfectionist in many ways. I want all the lessons finished 100%. I struggled this year with my expectation that all finished work be completely correct, and if not, completely corrected. I like every "t" crossed and "i" dotted. In my end of the year evaluations, it is easy for me to see all those t's that not crossed, all the undotted i's. It is tempting for me to fixate on all I had hoped to accomplish this year that either was done hastily, done half way, or completely unattempted. I am again reminded of my imperfections as a teacher, a counselor, and a mother.

At Mass this past Sunday, The Feast of the Good Shepherd, our parish priest spoke of vocations. He very eloquently reminded us (by pointing out his fellow priests) that God does not call the perfect. That we should not allow our imperfections, our personality flaws, or our inadequacies, to stop us from pursuing whatever God is calling us to do. While this is so very true of the calling to our vocations, and especially the priesthood, it is equally apropos to those of us called to homeschooling. It is very easy to think we are somehow too undisciplined, too prone to anger or impatience, too distracted, too uneducated, too overwhelmed, or just too "not up for the task." We forget that our calling is less about our abilities and more about being an instrument of God's grace. We forget how God uses the lowest and the most inadequate as shining examples of how his grace can work through us. We forget it is about saying "yes" to God's will, not about being able to do it all on our own.

This year has been a year of learning to say "yes" to God in the little moments, because it is all those little moments that add up to our big eternal "yes." I learned to step back from the big picture and ask myself in each little moment, "Am I doing God's will right now?" Asking is this what I need to be doing to serve God right now has allowed me to recognize when I should be saying "yes" in a different manner, when it was time to put aside my own desires. I learned to serve him in changing the diapers, cleaning the spilled syrup, as well as in teaching mathematics.

 Asking each moment has also helped me learn to leave the rest to him.  If in each moment I was doing all I could, then I couldn't be bothered by what I couldn't do. If I was called away from school to clean a bathroom because two little angels (aka 3 year-olds) had gotten into the toilet *again*, I had to do my best to clean it and then return to schooling. I couldn't beat myself up over being unable to do it all. My daily To-Do List is almost always left with three or four items that I just couldn't get finished. Instead of worrying or giving into the temptation to feel more overwhelmed, I have been working on (only sometimes successfully) trusting in God to bring to completion what He feels needs to be completed.

While I certainly was not able to finish all that I had planned for this school year, I trust that my willingness to be at the disposal of God will allow him to finish all that he feels needs to be accomplished as we wrap up this year's educational pursuits.