Tonight was the night.
A rite of passage as a parent.
It was the night I talked to Banana about getting older.
Yes, we began this talk a few months ago, but I knew the time had come to gently share a few more details. I agonized for a few days. Reread books to prepare myself. Mostly I prayed. I prayed for wisdom.
It turned out to be easier than I thought it would be. There were some moments of awkward silence, and as is my habit I filled them with silly jokes. There were moments I wished I were more eloquent. Still, it went very well.
Then somewhere in the midst of our conversations of soccer games and the latest Penny Parker novel, she flashed a smile at me. It was a moment I wanted to capture and hold. Hold next to those pictures in my memory of how beautiful she was when she was born -- this sweet, precious girl who ushered me into motherhood. The picture of her taking her first steps, of her sleeping peacefully on my chest, of her reading her first book, and riding a bike.
In that smile, I saw the last ten years and I wanted to somehow stop time so that I could spend so much more time with her. I wanted to hold her close forever. I wondered how it is more than ten years could have already passed.
Then, in that smile, I caught a glimpse of the moments we would have in the next ten years, and it was the only thing that made the passage of time bearable.