Monday, September 15, 2008

Daydreaming

It amazes me how much I find myself thinking of this adoption lately. It pops into my head so many times each day. I know that a connection already exists between this little one and our family because I believe God has chosen her for us and us for her. Still, it is amazing how often my thoughts can turn to a child I have never met. When I was pregnant, I thought that my children were constantly in my thoughts because my body had constant physical reminders of them. From the first days of pregnancy there were so many changes happening, I was constantly reminded of the little person growing inside me.

This adoption has taught me that there is a mother/child connection deeper than the physical. I find myself daydreaming about this child much the same way I daydreamed about my other girls. What will her personality be? What will she look like? Will I be a good mom to her? And while there are obvious differences, I am comforted by the deep peace that she is a gift from God to our family.

In some ways I am thankful for the long wait. I was more apprehensive about the adoption when we first turned in all the paperwork. I was worried about how the child would fit into our family, would she have special needs I couldn't meet? Now, I feel much more confidence that God will take care of these details. My many miscarriages have also shown the strength of my little family, especially my girls. I know that this gift of a sibling is just that -- a gift. The best gift their parents can give them.

Now, it feels like the adoption is so close that I am worse than a kid waiting for Christmas. I troll all the rumor sites. I am constantly logging into our agency site for updates that aren't there. I have been reading blog after blog trying to prepare knowing there is no way I will be prepared. I am even counting down days to some unknown date that we will finally see her face (just a picture first, but I am still excited).

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