Lent Starts With a Bang

Right now there are two throwing up kids, two more feverish kids, another just out of sorts, and two older girls healthy but disappointed that the weekend we'd planned for months had to be cancelled. This is what happens when the dreaded stomach flu hits a large family, especially a family with five children under the age of 5. I've seen more puke and poop than I'd ever imagined. Even dh was somewhat frustrated because we couldn't attend Mass as a family.

I might be the most downcast about the situation, though. I spent many, many, many hours cleaning the house and especially the basement for the houseful I thought we were going to have. I spent last week at home finishing that task, and then this week at home with sick kids. I'd love to have company since my house is clean, but no one dares enter this sick ward. I have a major case of cabin fever, but too many little ones who need Mom's care. All this on a much needed 3 day weekend. Thank goodness I have Lent to remind me to offer up these moments.

I'm not so good at that whole offering it up thing. I have it in my head things should be one way. The kids should clean up after themselves, the house should be tidy, things put where they belong, children who are quiet and not bickering. I think sometimes I expect that we should have the picture perfect house and family. My experience with postpartum is that these feelings are amplified. I feel the need to prove I can handle it all.

Instead I have boys who are often more like puppies tussling through the house. I have girls who bicker over purses and what to pack in their lunches. There are coats, and shoes, and an unending supply of bobby pins and match box cars to step on pick up. Then I get so frustrated at the clutter and the squabbling. I forget to take a step back and enjoy my children and home, warts and all.

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own,’ or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life—the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls one’s ‘real life’ is a phantom of one’s own imagination. This at least is what I see at moments of insight: but it’s hard to remember it all the time.”--C.S. Lewis

 I think to myself, "This isn't who I thought I'd be, this isn't the life I thought I'd have." I don't exactly know what kind of life I thought I would have. I just know this isn't what the magazine covers had me think it would be. I guess I never really imagined that in a house of eight children we might on occasion be struck with something as ugly as the stomach flu.

Then I get one of those "moments of insight" Lewis is talking about. A sweet girl asks if there are other babies in China that die instead of finding moms and I'm compelled to pull her in my arms and tell her yes, but they are with God in heaven and pray for us. The fact she is here means God has a purpose for her life and she should serve him faithfully in thanksgiving for the gift of another day. In telling her, I'm reminded I must do the same.

Then once my heart is softened, more moments come. A little baby girl smiles at me after throwing up again, still so sweet despite this miserable bug. Her 3-year old brother, who is her opposite in bearing sickness, has me laughing at his overly dramatic antics, "My teeth hurts, there's something wrong with my rump, I can't breathe, I think I'm gonna die..." His oldest sister spends a day at a retreat and the fruits of her prayers are brilliantly displayed on her face as she prays in Mass.

On this First Sunday of Lent I am striving to remember these interruptions, this miserable stomach bug, is what God has sent me. It is my real life. I am trying to live up to the advice given to a sweet daughter to be thankful for another day and strive to live out this calling to motherhood given me, but I still hope for no more stinky diapers and buckets to clean.

Pushing Buttons

Last week we were talking about the silly way Juju pronounces Bophie's name. She calls her ooo - wee. Lately though she has taken to calling Bophie ooo-wee-yah. It's so cute, ooo-wee has become a new name for our little Bophie. (** ooo has the sound of oo in hoot)

While very cute, Juju is also quite easily bothered. Here she is letting us know she'll have no part of that beautiful salad on her plate.

As I was telling dh about the added syllable, Bear walked into the room. She said, "I like to call her ooo-wee too."

Bophie is our resident princess which will be highlighted in her belated birthday post which I am trying to finish:)

She paused then added, "Unless I'm mad at her, then I call her Sophia Magdalene!" Said in a manner that strangely mimics my own intonation.

Then she paused again and added, "But if I'm really mad at her, I call her oo-a-licious, mag-duh-la-nee-o, cause she really hates that."

I guess we need to revisit that whole talking nicely for Lent thing...

A Hard Post

Lent is around the corner* here and to be honest, I'm incredibly thankful for this holy season. I am awed by the wisdom of the Church in giving us the simple gift of the liturgical year and, specifically, this season of sacrifice.

For the past few weeks I've read blog posts, email messages from our homeschooling group, bulletin inserts, and talked to friends about ideas for celebrating Lent with our children. There have been many creative, beautiful ideas for projects to do with the kids during the forty days of Lent. I have been inundated with so many ideas I don't know where to start. I don't want to start too much and leave it undone, but I also want to do all I can to make sure my children learn that this season brings its own type of joy, joy that is not available in our mainstream culture that so often spurns any type of sacrifice.

Despite my love for Lent, I have been hesitant to commit to any projects for my children and family this Lent. I haven't even really enjoyed hearing about all these ideas. I couldn't put my finger on why I was having such trouble preparing for Lent. While these projects are beautiful, they require preparation and with Lent a week away, I need to get started. Then today as I was praying it occurred to me, I need Lent. I NEED LENT, probably more so than my kids. I couldn't decide what to do as a family because I wasn't preparing myself for the season of Lent. I can't lead my children in the pursuit of virtue until I am certain I am diligently pursuing it myself.

So here's the hard part, I am going to let you in on what I am going to do personally for Lent. If I put it out there, it means I have to really own up to it. Lately I have noticed my children speaking more and more harshly to their siblings. It's driving me crazy. There is little patience and their tongues are quick to offer some cutting comment to one another. As much as this bickering bothers me, I am more bothered by the fact that I instigated it. It is precisely my tone of voice and often my words they are using towards each other. I have even lately tried talking to the older ones about the example they are setting for the little ones. Each time I say that, a little voice in the back of my head reminds me I set the ultimate example for all the children and oftentimes it isn't a good one.

Proverbs 15:1-4 says:
A mild answer calms wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise pours out knowledge, but the mouth of fools spurts forth folly.
The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.
A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse one crushes the spirit.

This sent a pang of humility deep in my heart. My children are often not answered mildly. In fact there are quite a few harsh responses. I allow the chaos and demands of life weigh on my heart and it reflects in my responses to my children.

St. Basil the Great said, "Turning away from all wickedness means keeping our tongue in check, restraining our anger, suppressing evil desires, and avoiding all gossiping and swearing. To abstain from these things-- herein lies the true value of fast!"

I am going to work at speaking more kindly, especially when overwhelmed or frustrated. I am going to set the example for my children. A priest advised me to come up with a concrete punishment for myself when I speak unkindly, gargle with salt water, do push-ups, deny myself some treat. I'm going to try it and this Lenten season seems the right time to start.

*I've obviously had this post rattling around for some time. It's been busy, I've been distracted, I'm really in need of the discipline of Lent.

My Lenten Reading

Recently I blogged about my "Sisyphus Syndrome". I mentioned in that post a friend who recommended a prayer of "Thank you, Jesus, for everything." I have really taken to this one-line prayer. For me, it works better than counting to ten or taking a few deep breaths. Sometimes I do that as well, but this little prayer really puts whatever has arisen in perspective.

The prayer came from a book entitled He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter Ciszek. He was a Jesuit priest who spent more than two decades in a Russian prison after going to serve as a missionary in Poland during the war. He first wrote the book With God in Russia, which details his time in Russia (I will hopefully read this in the future). He Leadeth Me is not about giving an account of his time, but rather to show how his faith carried him through the ordeal. It is truly an amazing book and certainly what I needed to shed a new light on my Sisyphus syndrome.

In the following excerpt I read earlier this week, he talks of how often we try to tell God what His will is. I think this is the root of my Sisyphus problem. I forget my vocation in life will often seem monotonous and overwhelming. I feel over-qualified for dealing with endless mounds of laundry, piles of dishes, dirty diapers, and runny noses. I want to educate and train my children in virtue, but I didn't realize how that would mean the bulk of my day would often be spent in what I considered menial and endless tasks. Often it is hard to see success in these tasks. And yet, it is precisely these tasks that lead to my salvation. These tasks are part of God's will for my life. I should accept and bear them as such.

Ultimately, we come to expect God to accept our understanding of what his will ought to be and to help us to fulfill that, instead of learning to see and accept his will in the real situations in which he places us daily. The simple soul who each day makes a morning offering of "all the prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of this day" -- and who then acts upon it by accepting unquestioningly and responding lovingly to all the situations of the day as truly sent by God -- has perceived with an almost childlike faith the profound truth about the will of God. To predict what God's will is going to be, to rationalize about what his will must be, is at once a work of human folly and yet the subtlest of all temptations. The plain and simple truth is that his will is what he actually wills to send us each day, in the way of circumstances, places, people, and problems. The trick is to learn to see that-- not just in theory, or not just occasionally in a flash of insight granted by God's grace, but every day...
From He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter Ciszek.

I want to keep typing more of this book. It is just amazing. I am only a few chapters into the book, so I wouldn't be surprised if there are future posts. If anyone decides to read this, I would love to try to do an online discussion.

Will the Winter Ever End?

It is raining here, and the weather reports it is going to get cold again. I think I have mentioned many times how much my sinuses love this kind of weather. We have all been battling a terrible cold/flu that started when Banana got strep throat. I thought we were all on the mend. I was looking forward to getting out of the house a little more, and getting some full days of schooling. The saga never ends though.

I was back at the doctor's office yesterday. Now Bear and Juliana have ear infections, and Juliana has some fluid in her lower left lobe. Another couple rounds of antibiotics for us. I am hoping the antibiotics will kick in more today and my children will not be in pain when they lay down. I feel terrible that I missed the fact that Juliana was in such pain. Last night dh said he was getting a sore throat. Let's hope he isn't coming down with this now.

I came across this post about Lent. I was again reminded of that one line prayer "Thank you Jesus for everything". Like Karen's Lenten season, I am finding that I am being asked to make sacrifices I hadn't anticipated making. I know that they are bringing me closer to God, and for that I am thankful. Although, I have to admit that last night my thank you was sent through gritting teeth as I had yet another sleepless night :)

Lenten Wisdom

Yesterday we had to be out most of the day. I wanted to spend a quiet first day of Lent at home, but we had other scheduled activities. While we were between appointments, I decided to pick up a few items at Target. My girls love to go to Target because they love to hound me for an Icee. Knowing it was Ash Wednesday and there was no way I was caving, Banana very graciously offered up even asking (begging) for one. Her response was, "This isn't sooo hard the first day of Lent, but I don't know about the third or fourth..."

Then later at home, we were letting the girls put their sacrifice jellybeans in their Lent jars. They collect them for good deeds and then may eat them during Easter. This has worked relatively well in years past. However, this is Bophie's first year for collecting and the concept is a little beyond this almost 3-year old. She doesn't understand that she gets them now but has to wait to eat them. At bedtime, she collected her last two for the day and once again asked if she could eat them. I said (for the thirteenth time) she had to wait till Easter. She quickly licked each one, put them in her jar and said, "When Damma (Grandma) comes, I will eat them."