The Tenth

When we first adopted Juliana I thought the high point of our adoption story would be attending Christmas Mass as a family. One of the most difficult things I had ever done was to get on an airplane and fly half way around the world leaving my three daughters at home in December. As we were preparing to fly home, Juliana had a *very* high fever unlike any I'd ever seen. We'd called our pediatrician who told us to keep doing what we were doing and get her home. I was nervous and hadn't slept. Then at the airport there was a complication with our tickets and we were being held off the flight. Our group was boarding and our guide and David were trying to sort everything out, but I was left holding a sick baby girl and afraid I would miss Christmas with my girls. I broke down crying. This is frowned upon in that country and I knew I wasn't helping the situation, but I just wanted to be home. We made it on the flight, Juliana threw up all over an older woman next to me, but we made it. Then we missed a connecting flight because we were both so exhausted. Still, we got home around 8 PM Christmas Eve and I felt like a complete family. Attending Christmas morning Mass as a family with our new little one was indeed a memorable day.

Then came the day we baptized her. While I expected the joy of Christmas, I was taken aback by how much her baptism meant to me. This was the real reason we went through all the paperwork, this is why we sacrificed extra savings, this is why I was willing to walk on that airplane. Not just to add another child to our family, not just to give her the gift of an earthly family, but to give her a heavenly and eternal family. Her baptism is when we truly completed her adoption process. That day was January 10, 2009 and it was a glorious day.

One year later on that day, David and Hannah walked into another orphanage and were given our dear Joseph. It was an entrance into the world of boys and our lives were forever changed. This crazy day was the start of a busy few days as my sister waited for a heart transplant, and I was 11 months pregnant with Gabriel. I only saw Joseph over the computer that day, but again our family was growing through the blessings of adoption.

One year after that on January 10, 2011, unbeknownst to us, another little boy was born in China. I thought our adoption days were over. We had six children and I thought our family was complete. Then through a random email and a book, God revealed he had other plans. It was around that time we started a new adoption process and little Peter would join our family shortly after his first birthday.

All this on the same day in January.

Six years have passed, full of more stories of biological children and keeping up with life with all our children.

Then yesterday, January 10, 2017, once again becomes a banner day for our adoption stories as we received and accepted the file of our newest child. She is 18 months old and absolutely beautiful (we can't share pictures publicly right now). We were surprised by the call as we expected to be waiting many more months, but know God's timing can not be outdone.

This is our fourth adoption and I am again surprised by how much and how quickly you can fall in love with someone just by seeing their picture. It changes everything. Please pray for our family and our littlest daughter as we begin the process of bringing her home.  

3 Years Ago

This true gift from God was placed in my arms. What a blessing she truly is.

Thankful

Last year at this time as we celebrated Thanksgiving and began Advent and Christmas preparations, we thought we were safe. Safe because we were over our quota, we had too many children. Even if we wanted to bring home another little child, we wouldn't be able to do so. That made things easy for us. Growing our family from three children to six in such a short time had taken its toll on me. I was struggling to figure it all out and there was a comfort to knowing we couldn't adopt again even if we wanted to. We put the idea of another adoption out of our minds. Somehow that lent a selfishness to our family.

Closer to Christmas I began reading a book that talked of orphanage conditions in that far off country. It was a book I only read because I was certain we couldn't adopt again. I read the book, and I wept. I wept for the children in that orphanage. I wept for my beautiful son and daughter who had most likely experienced some of what was detailed in that book. Little Juju weighed barely four pounds when she was found on the side of the road the day she was born. Poor Joseph's cleft lip and palate prevented him from getting adequate nutrition. My heart went out for them and those like them who were cold and hungry.

I thought then of my own stress. I was worried about pulling off a Currier and Ives, picture perfect holiday. Beautiful decorations, new presents, Christmas dresses, new jammies for perfect Christmas morning pictures, a cleaner home, dozens of cookies that would make Martha Stewart proud. I lost sight of what stress really was. Each night I was laying my head on a fancy silk fiber pillow, in a temperature controlled house, snuggled into a down comforter with an amazing warmth rating. While I struggled with preparing and cleaning meals, there was never a worry there wouldn't be a meal. Not just any meal either, we eat like kings; turkeys, stuffing, pies, much more than we need. We have fancy appliances to prepare meals, countless pretty dishes and gadgets. We have closets of clothes, and more in bins in the basement waiting for a child to reach the right size, and toys everywhere I turn.

These aren't even the important things. I have an amazing husband, I have six beautiful children who daily reflect the blessings of God. I'm never, sometimes overwhelmingly never, alone. I am so incredibly blessed and loved. We have an absolutely amazing extended family. Parents who make the most amazing grandparents, brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, so many people who love us. We have wonderful friends, a beautiful parish community, a fantastic homeschool group. So many people who enrich our lives in so many ways.

Stress? Really? These children might not survive the cold winter. No fancy down comforters, no thermostats, little food, little clothing, and most importantly little love.  How could I be so blessed and yet think I was stressed?

Then right before Christmas last year we received an email that changed everything. It was an irrelevant message that started us asking questions, and then eventually it turned our world upside down. We could indeed adopt again....

This year I am so incredibly thankful for that privilege, again. Thankful for the reminder of the gifts we are given. Thankful for the many blessings little Peter will bring to our family. Thankful for the perspective he gives me as we head into another holiday season. No gift means as much to us as bringing him home.

Please pray for him. We long to have him here with us this Christmas, but know we still have months to wait. We want so much to lavish him with food, warmth and the love he so much needs. He still has a few cold months in a place with no family, no warm holiday mornings. All we can offer him right now is our prayers.

More Alphabet Soup

Yesterday we received notice of our PA (Pre-Approval). This means that our dossier has been moved from its place in one very long line and put into a much shorter and faster line for special needs children.

More importantly, it means we can post pictures of our newest little guy.

Blog World, meet Pu Min Sheng...

Known to us as Peter Matthew.

Or maybe Matthew Peter? (the jury is still out)

This little guy will turn one in January, making him a year younger than our Gabe. He has a bilateral cleft lip and palate that is a little less severe than Joseph had when we were matched with him. Joseph had his lip repaired in China a few months before we traveled. We are unsure if this little one will have that surgery or not. Either way, our hearts long to be with him, to care for him, to show him the love of a family. Please keep him in your prayers in the coming months as we continue to jump through the necessary hoops.

He sure is a cutie, isn't he?

Our Decision to Adopt Again Part 2

After beginning discussions, we decided to put all adoption talk on hold until after our Christmas break. I had enough on my plate and I wanted to enjoy our break. I also was really struggling with how to handle our current household chaos. We spent our holidays brainstorming ideas to help me manage it all, to help me get some more sleep, to help the kids get school back on track, etc. The strategies we put in place made a world of difference. Despite getting sick for almost the whole month of February, I felt like I had things more under control.

Then we had Joseph's last post adoption visit with our social worker. We knew we wanted to ask a few questions about the possibility of adopting again, and despite the utter humiliation of that evening, we did start the conversation. Our social worker told us the most important thing we could do would be to keep our homestudy current. She explained that as the expiration date came closer, we would be notified it would expire unless we began the update process. She didn't have our paperwork with her so she wasn't sure when that date would be.

As with so much of all our adoption journeys, God's timing and opening of doors has been amazing, the very next day in the mail was our letter informing us we needed to begin the update. At this point, however, I was concerned it was pointless to update. Our homestudy had originally been completed almost six years ago for Juju's adoption, and after six years there is no option to update you simply start over. Because of this, we set the letter aside. I distinctly remember dh and I having a conversation about not wanting to start all over and he said, "If this is God's plan somehow the homestudy will work itself out."

Again God's timing was perfect, the day after that conversation the homestudy agency called to ask if we planned to update. I told her my concerns about our six years being right around the corner. She put me on hold, grabbed our paperwork, and came back on the phone and told me our homestudy was not quite two years old. It seems when we switched agencies between Juju and Joseph's adoption, while they only charged us for an update, it was easier for them to simply write a whole new homestudy. We still had four years to use our current homestudy if we updated it. When she said those words, I had an incredible sense that this was God's way of letting us know he was opening the doors for this adoption.

I had really struggled in our conversations about another adoption. My heart wants to bring home more and more of these precious children, but my body is tired. I wanted to be sure we were really able to handle another little one right now. Were we making the right financial choices? Were we getting in over our heads? Could we be open to another adoption, but just wait 3-4 years?

I have learned that dh has a grace from God to lead our family and oftentimes he is able to cut through all the back and forth and navigate a course for us. He knew this adoption and the timing were right. How blessed I am to have such a wonderful, Godly, generous husband. He prayerfully determines this course and truly works hard at providing every tool necessary for getting us there. He knew the timing was right and he relied on God's providence to work out the details. God used him and that unsuspecting woman from the homestudy agency to remind me to be at peace about this process.

That phone call, of course, changed everything. We needed to get a jump start on the update paperwork as some of the paperwork could take 30-60 days to get back and everything needed to be completed prior to the two year date.

Our Decision to Adopt Again Part 1

"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes." ~ David Platt (h/t to an old friend for posting it on Facebook)

During the Christmas season, we got an email from our adoption agency regarding a change in Chin*'s adoption policy that might allow us to adopt another little one using our old paperwork. We had thought we would never be able to adopt there again because we already have six children, so this was a surprise to us. While that opportunity wasn't for our family, in our conversations we were told that some family size exceptions are made-- especially for those open to special needs children. We suddenly started asking ourselves questions we had pushed aside because of our understanding of the adoption rules.

It surprised me how open both dh and I felt to another adoption. For many months we have both felt we had hit maximum density here. We are both stretched so thin, and the sleep deprivation has had us practically delirious at times. Quite frankly, there had been little time to give another adoption serious thought. We have had our hands full dealing with life with so many little ones. I think we knew we'd consider adoption again, we just thought that it was in the distant future.

Then we both read a book called "Silent Tears" which detailed one woman's volunteer efforts in an orphanage in China. We also follow this blog of a group caring for special needs orphans in China. We were both struck by the thought that some of these children wouldn't make it through the winter because of the conditions in which they live. They wouldn't make it through the winter...

I admit I'm stressed. I wonder sometimes how I will accomplish everything I need to do in a day. I worry about laundry, and piano lessons, schoolwork, soccer practice, a clean house, dinner on the table, the list goes on and on. But, these children aren't warm. They have to wonder if there will be a next meal, a blanket, someone to comfort them. No matter what my concerns and worries are, they just simply pale in comparison. Somehow my stress just doesn't compare to a little one languishing in an orphanage with no family. No, we can't help all of them, but could we help one more?

So we began the conversation...

One Year Ago

This sweet boy stepped out of the airport doors and made his way into my heart.

A year ago our house was filled with pink and frills,

There were doll houses and dolls,
Jewelry and hair clips requiring trips to the malls.

Now there are trucks, trains, and cars that go zoom,

And more trips to the Emergency Room.

This little boy has shown us the meaning of snips & snails & puppy dogs tails. He has introduced this house of girls to new levels of ick. He eats dog food, rocks, and glass! This year I have learned that boys are indeed different than girls. My organization skills have necessarily reached new levels. I have discovered I can survive on much less sleep, consumed more coffee, and embraced dark-circle under eye concealer.
Yet, the joy he has brought our family this year is immeasurable. He embraces life much the way he gives his hugs, two arms wrapped around your neck squeezing with all the strength he can muster. His joy at a new truck, a passing truck, a piece of cake, or a glass of milk, even at a green pepper sliced for him, is each day a reminder of the many blessings we have been given. His infectious smile lights a room, his antics make me laugh (although not always initially).
He is no longer that scared little boy I met a year ago. He has many new accomplishments. He helps get himself dressed, expressing a clear preference for anything that has wheels or animals that roar. After quite a bit of work, he knows all his major body parts. At first he paid no attention to singing or books. Now, he loves to bring any willing person a book to read to him. He also asks to sing "The itsy-bitsy spider" with all its accompanying motions. And while he is definitely Daddy's boy, I am the occasional recipient of his big hugs, his slobbery kisses, and he even says Mommy.
Thank God we have had this wonderful, crazy, never been so tired, year with this amazing little boy.

Two Years Ago

Dh and I were in China, on the thirtieth floor of a hotel, waiting to meet our newest daughter for whom we had waited more than three years.

Today I was thinking about how fast these two years have gone. How much our lives have changed. It seems forever ago that we were so anxiously waiting to see this beautiful girl's face. How long that wait seemed, how I would check for news, how I longed to hold her.

Now she is with us, and all those anxieties have melted. Each day I am blessed with her smiles, her budding personality, her amazing sweetness. She was definitely "Worth the Wait."



The music is a song by Tia Ciferno on her Heaven Sent album. Her sister is a member of our homeschooling group, she gave me this CD when Gabe was born. It is beautiful. Every song was touching.

Differences

While enjoying some coffee and donuts during the kids' CCD classes on Sunday (and by enjoy I mean chasing two little ones while trying to keep a newborn fairly content while shoving a donut down my throat because I didn't eat breakfast, and doing my best to chug some coffee before a toddler knocked it over--but now my digression has gone too far), I tried to have a few conversations with friends. Thankfully my friends are very patient with a mom who has her hands full. One friend brought up a fear about adoption I have encountered many times when talking to other parents. The notion that it would be impossible (or at the least very difficult) to love an adopted child as much as a biological child.

I am actually very thankful when others ask this question because it was probably my biggest fear before we adopted and I always felt that I had to hide that feeling. I was afraid if I spoke about being concerned about this, that someone would question why we were adopting. I knew we were absolutely, positively called to adoption. That didn't mean there weren't doubts (aren't still moments of doubt), but it also didn't mean we were any less called to adoption. God's plan for our family included Juliana and Joseph, but sometimes I did worry I could love them as I did my biological children.

My best response to this question is that I do love Joseph and Juliana as much as I love my girls. My mother's heart has been there for them from the moment I saw their pictures, before ever meeting them. Yes, that love has changed and grown as we met, as we got to know each other. The bonding process takes time, but my love for them was instant-- and it was just as much as the other children we had.

That doesn't mean there aren't differences. Just as there are differences between sons and daughters, there are differences between our adopted children and our biological children. Different doesn't make one better than another, nor is our love for one greater than the other-- it's just different. I don't have birth stories for Juju and Joseph, but I don't have Gotcha Day stories for the other children. The bonding process has been different for Juju and Joseph, since they weren't newborns, but again different doesn't mean less. Do I wish I had been able to care for these little ones from the moment they were born? Of course, but it doesn't mean I love them any less.

I have had some friends who worried about having a second child. They were overwhelmed with how much they loved their first child. They wondered how they could possibly love another baby as much as their first. I, too, remember being so surprised at how much love I could have for Banana. However, when Bear came along that love was not diminished-- it was multiplied. Growing our family through adoption has multiplied the love in this house in the same manner (ok, there are also multiplied squabbles, and more clutter, not to mention more diapers). It is teaching all of us, including our children, what joy life has to offer. Joy that comes from sacrificial giving of our time and talents and from loving one another.

While different circumstances have brought each child into our family, each has brought a unique dimension to our household. Somehow each one is a necessary little piece to our family and we are blessed to have each one.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. He destined us in love to be his sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace which he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. --Ephesians 1:3-6

2 Weeks, 12 Months, and U.S. Citizenship

Can you believe this little one is already two weeks old? It seems like just yesterday (especially with the lingering surgery pain :) ), and yet it seems little Gabriel has always been part of our family. It is amazing how newborns change the space time continuum.

This little one had her final (12 Month) post adoption report finalized this week, of course it was a little late. This should mean that all of the paperwork for her adoption is finally finished.

And this little one, who has been here not quite 3 weeks, has a court appointment scheduled for next week that will make him a U.S. Citizen and add me to his adoption decree. The process has been different since I was unable to travel to pick him up.

The older girls are enjoying their new brothers and the new Wii they got for Christmas...

Can You Believe It Has Been a Year?

A year ago today our more than three year wait had ended and this little one was brought to the thirtieth floor lobby of our downtown hotel. Four little girls were placed on two chairs, and four families were changed forever. Juliana didn't cry, she barely made a sound. She was bundled in clothes that I think would still be too big on her. She spent most of the next few weeks being pretty quiet. There were brief glimpses of the personality that is still emerging, but she was mostly still in shock and somewhat frightened at her whole world being turned upside down. We had to work hard to get a smile, sometimes we worked harder to get her to eat, and we worked most of all at letting her know how much she was loved by us, by her siblings, her extended family, and friends.

Today quiet is not a word I would use to describe little Juliana. Her smiles come so easily and are often followed by giggles and full-blown baby laughs. She sings, she babbles, and sometimes even yells to get her sisters to hear her. She is happy to give kisses and hugs, she wants to be held, she knows she is loved by so many. We also no longer have any trouble getting her to eat. She has definitely taken to our American cooking, although she can be quite demanding about what she wants to eat. Our family would not be complete without this little one and her smiles, sweetness, and demanding ways. She is truly a treasure.

I didn't give you the gift of life,

But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you
The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
--Anonymous

Friday Food for Thought-- the Long Edition

Have you read Jen's post about breaking the will of God? If not, do so. It is amazing. I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I was preparing a comment and thought that instead of rambling on in her combox, I would post my protracted response here so as not to bore her readers.

This post obviously strikes many chords with me personally. The caller and I have much in common. I have three biological children and recently adopted a fourth and am in the process to adopt a fifth (special needs) child, and pregnant with the sixth. Do I ever get that nagging voice in the back of my head that says I am really doing this for some prideful reasons? Yes. Do I ever feel as though I am thwarting the will of God by adopting? Do I worry about the impact these decisions have on my other children? Are there moments I think we must be crazy? Yes, yes, and heck yes.

I had those feelings more intensely prior to Juliana's adoption. I felt I was somehow tempting fate bringing into our family a child I knew nothing about. If God wanted me to have more children wouldn't he have given us another pregnancy or spared us the pain of so many miscarriages? I would have moments of doubt, and then I would feel guilty for having doubts. I worried about our intentions, I worried we were biting off more than we could chew. I constantly prayed we were doing God's will, but since God doesn't send us handwritten messages giving us detailed descriptions of exactly how He would like us to carry out His will, I worried we were off the mark.

Then I realized God gave me these desires, he put in my heart the desire for children. My desire to be a good mother was precisely because it is through that vocation I could best serve Him. Yes, I could still be prideful, but that didn't mean He didn't will for us to adopt a child. In some ways, those doubts were more temptations to pride. I needed to accept who I was and who God was. Without Him, I don't even have the power to make mistakes. To expect that unless I am perfect in my intentions, I am not carrying out God's will simply cannot be true. My intentions will never be perfect, I am human. I have to trust that God will bring good as long as I do my best to serve Him now, which means acknowledging my failures, confessing them, and then working hard to serve him better next time.

Perhaps my favorite paragraph from Jen's post was:

"What I eventually learned that has brought me immeasurable peace on this subject is that it's more important to ponder how God can bring good out of any situation -- even bad, sinful situations that are the result of fallible humans' mistakes -- than it is to ponder what the details of his will are for any specific scenario. I've stopped spending so much time asking "Was this God's will?" and am trying to spend more time asking, "How can I serve God in love at this moment, right now?" Maybe the situation I'm in is the result of a bad move, but as long as I keep turning to God there will be an opportunity to bring love out of it."

I can't say it any more eloquently than that. Her recommendation of the book He Leadeth Me is one I heartily second. I read and blogged a little about this gem of a book last spring. There are any number of issues in our little household in which we find ourselves looking for God's will and asking ourselves are we clouding His will with our own desires. They come in the form of how we manage our finances, how we manage our time, our discipline techniques, our schooling choices. Really, the list is endless. As I quoted in that older post,

"To predict what God's will is going to be, to rationalize about what his will must be, is at once a work of human folly and yet the subtlest of all temptations. The plain and simple truth is that his will is what he actually wills to send us each day, in the way of circumstances, places, people, and problems. The trick is to learn to see that-- not just in theory, or not just occasionally in a flash of insight granted by God's grace, but every day..."
From He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter Ciszek.

Now that Juliana has been part of our family for almost a year, so many of those doubts have melted away. Before the adoption, even on the plane ride to China, I worried about our decision. Now I can't imagine life without her. On the plane ride home, Juliana had a terrible fever. It was higher than any of my children had ever experienced. I was worried sick for her and I was tired from the whirlwind trip we had taken, and an exhausting plane ride. On the 11 hour flight from Tokyo, I sat next to a Korean man. He had two daughters of his own. He asked about Juliana and was shocked to learn we had three more little girls at home. He asked if I really thought I could love Juliana as much as my biological children. Had he asked me that question two weeks earlier on the flight to China, I might have been hesitant. However, after two short weeks, looking at that dear sweet child, sick as she was, I already knew the answer, I already loved her that much.

When I think back on the process, the moment I truly realized this was without a doubt God's plan-- Juliana's baptism. No matter what my intentions were, no matter how flawed I was, this child, solely through God's providence was welcomed into the His family, His church. That moment was so monumental, I knew that my intentions were completely insignificant and I thanked God for taking them and making something of beauty beyond comprehension.

Six Month Post Adoption Report

It's hard to believe Juliana has been with our family for more than six months already. It is not hard to believe we are a little late getting out our six month post adoption report.

The final steps in our adoption process are these post adoption reports. They require a brief report from our social worker at six months and one year post adoption. We finally were able to have our social worker over a few weeks ago to finish our six month report. Our social worker for Juliana's adoption is an older gentleman who has recently had quite a few health problems. For this and many, many other reasons, we have a new social worker for Joseph's adoption.

Now the report is written (I have to type it up for him as he has no computer and his typist, yes typist, retired). All that is needed are some pictures to attach to the report. The hold up with the pictures has been getting one with just dh, Juliana, and me. We have lots of family pictures, several of Juliana alone, and tons of her with her sisters, but none with just the three of us. We had to employ Banana to get one of us which was no easy feat.

Now that we have that picture, I just had to identify three or four more pictures that sum up Juliana's first six months with our family. It wasn't easy to narrow it down. How did I do? I think many of these pictures have been previously posted as it is usually my favorites that make their way to the blog.

Six Months Ago....

We went to a lobby on the 30th floor of our hotel in China and little Juliana was placed in our arms. She was quiet and reserved. I see now she was in shock, not really sure how to respond. This same quiet girl is the one who this morning woke me up by climbing over me to get between dh and I. She was full of smiles, and kisses, and wanted nothing more than to have the attention of her parents.

In a short six months she has gone from barely sitting up to walking, running at times, always on the go. She is full of energy and the quietness has gone out the window at home. She is still shy with others, but with us she is full of all types of new noises. She has a head of crazy hair, and has finally learned to eat solid foods.

Last night she was dancing with her sisters. She was laughing and trying to twirl in circles like the older girls. Soon we were all laughing at her attempts to dance. What joy she has brought our family. It is hard to believe it has only been six months...

Life Comes At You Fast

Last Friday we faxed our adoption agency a few preliminary forms. We were hoping this would secure our place in line for a new child. We were told we would wait 10 months for Juliana and it turned out it was an almost three year wait. After talking to our agency and hearing we would wait about 12 months, we thought we should get a jump start. Who knew how long the wait would actually be?

Turns out God has a sense of humor. We were in such a hurry for little Juliana and we had to wait, and wait, and wait. This time we wanted to wait, we wanted a little time, and it turns out that wasn't God's plan.

Monday afternoon, before we ever even received the full application, I got a call from our agency asking if we would consider a little boy they were trying to place. To say we were shocked, amazed, excited, apprehensive would only be the tip of the iceberg of emotions that have been filtering through our house these last few days. I had to respond to the woman and I couldn't do so intelligibly. I finally had to say, "Please forgive me. My mind is going faster than my mouth can talk."

We need your prayers. A boy with special needs so soon... We know if God wills this, it will all come together. We still need prayers. For now, we are going ahead with the paperwork at lightening speed. We are trying to get medical opinions, a home study done, and assembling more documents than one would think existed.

Round Two

I was asked a few months ago to blog about our decision to adopt Juliana. I am asked that question rather frequently. We have three beautiful daughters and I think it is hard for some to understand why we would want to adopt more. Having been asked so often, you would think it would be easy to answer it. It isn't. There is no quick answer I can give that would encompass the many reasons we chose to grow our family through adoption.

The simplest answer is that we were called to adoption-- we just were called to it. We knew we would adopt before we had any issues with infertility, but our struggles with infertility and miscarriage opened our hearts wider and more quickly. We still hope for more biological children, but we know more deeply how much children are truly a gift from God.

Throughout our adoption process there were so many times we saw the hand of God guiding us. There are so many little stories I could tell of situations where we knew God was opening doors for us. These were little indications that we were indeed called to adopt. Now that we have Juliana it is amazing to think of all the little details that came together to bring this particular child into our family.

Yes, I love my girls. I never felt like they were not enough. It is precisely because of the unmatched joy they bring our lives that I would desire to add more children to our family. There is more work, I am more frazzled, but the happiness grows exponentially. There is even happiness in the chaos. Each child has brought a new dynamic to our family. I am so privileged to be a part of each of their lives.

We are incredibly blessed. We have every need met and most wants are met as well. We don't worry about when our next meal will come, and while our clothes may not be the most fashionable, they are adequate. Our children are blessed with doting friends and family and there are many times I feel overrun with toys. We certainly have enough to share.

I don't want it to sound as though we have no concerns. We have a mortgage, and we worry about sending the girls to college. We would like to have more in our retirement, and there are many household projects we would love to tackle. Adoption has meant that we have to postpone household projects, some indefinitely. We have had to make do with some things that we would really like to trade in.

When it was all said and done, though, there was no project, no upgrade, no feelings of financial security that were going to match the joy a new child would bring our family. There was no toy that I could give my children that would be better than the love of a new sibling. When we realized this, there was no turning back.

I am busier than ever with four girls, but I can still offer arms to hold, a lap to cuddle on, and a heart to love. We know that our girls will have some sacrifices to make with a new sibling, but ask them if they want to make those sacrifices. Everyone of them will give you an emphatic yes. The joy of a new sibling, a new playmate, a lifelong friend is worth these sacrifices. If we let our children decide, we might adopt ten more!

I could go on and on about the many reasons adoption fit our family. I could talk about the joy Juliana has brought our family, how these three short months with her have melted away any of the anxieties about adoption I had while we waited for her. I could talk about how amazing God's plans are. I could go on and on and on (maybe I already have)...

It would all just be a long way of saying that last week we made some decisions and began the paper chase to bring home another little one.

Three Months

Today marks three months since little Juliana was placed in our arms. Three months seems like such a short time, and yet it seems Juliana has always been part of our family. This month has brought her giving her first kisses, her first two teeth, standing up on her own without holding onto anything, and her first celebration of Holy Week and Easter (including throwing up all over herself, me, and the floor at Holy Thursday Mass).

It was heartwarming to see her beaming with such happiness on Easter Sunday. She could sense the excitement of her sisters and her own enthusiasm was just as contagious. It really hit home to me that morning that she was indeed quickly learning her place in our family. She relished her sisters showing her the toys she received in her Easter basket, she laughed and clapped in delight when she saw her sisters smiling at her accomplishments. She knew us well enough to sense our joy.

One thing that has really brought about so much more bonding for us has been the change in our feeding patterns. Although Juliana is almost 14 months and she is doing much better at eating table food, she still takes a bottle 3-4 times a day. I knew heading into this adoption how important it is to hold the baby and the bottle during feeding times. I had attempted this, but when Juliana got too fussy (which usually was accompanied with throwing up), I would give up. I thought it was more important that I not upset her. I was wrong. About a month ago, I made a decision to be firm with this no matter how upset she got. The first few attempts were met with horrible fits, and it took more than a week for her not to cry when I sat in the rocking chair. Now she looks forward to these times and doesn't fight me.

This firmness has led to real bonding. I regret not having done this much, much earlier. She cuddles with both dh and I much more, she looks us in the eye for longer periods of time, and it has helped us settle into a better routine. She isn't wandering around with a bottle all day long helping herself, but rather getting one on a fairly steady schedule. Next time around, I will be more forceful about this from the beginning.

A Belated Two Months With Juliana

Now that we are back in the Midwest, I can expect that the months of changing weather will not only bring thunderstorms, rain, hail, and high winds; but also will often bring headaches, achiness, runny noses, and sore throats. This past week, the brief spell of spring-like temperatures were enjoyed by most people. Those of us with sinus problems, however, do not enjoy such quick changes in temperature. This time it brought the perfect storm to my health. I developed a sinus infection that caused bronchitis and to add to the fun I decided to catch Banana's strep throat.

My Valentines Day? Spent in bed. Poor dh spent the evening watching movies by himself after having spent the day alone as I didn't quite make it out of bed, except for a visit to the urgi-care for some heavy duty antibiotics. The meds are starting to have some effect for me. I feel somewhat better this morning. Banana, on the other hand, had to go back in today for her second round of antibiotics. Thankfully the strep is gone, but it looks as though she has inherited my sinus issues.

While I was down for the count, I also missed out on the two month update with Juliana. This month has been another month of growing in affection. She now not only smiles when I pick her up, she also often lays her head on my shoulder. She has been fussy the last few days and it has required me pulling out the backpack so I can get some work done. She often spends the afternoon riding along as I finish household chores and make dinner. All my girls have gone through the backpack stage, so I figure this shows how well she is learning our ways.

I think the fussiness is a result of some teeth finally making their way through. So far only swelling, but I think soon enough we will start to see some pearly whites. She is also starting to pull herself up on the furniture. Dh thinks she has only a few weeks before walking, I think it will be a little longer. She loves to play peek-a-boo, clap her hands, and shake her head yes and no. I so enjoy watching her smile and look so delighted when she masters some small feat. She is such a joy to our family.

I was asked a question about what lead us to adoption and I am sorry if it seemed I ignored the question. I did not mean to do so. When I started to try to answer that question it became a jumbled mess. I am trying to find some time to edit the post. Hopefully you will see it soon. I am also planning to get the nickname poll going...sometime soon.

Yesterday

I had a wonderful evening. I am about 30 pages from the end of the book and I have a whole new perspective on the many blessings I have been given. I was particularly reminded of the necessity of prayer. I keep coming back to the scripture, "Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required" Luke 12:48.

On a completely different note, Juliana had a one month home check up yesterday. She has gained a full pound and got a bill of good health. All her tests came back normal. Knowing she is truly putting on weight, despite her unwillingness to eat from a spoon, makes me feel better.

In these first weeks home she has progressed from the army crawl to moving out on all fours- that girl can crawl fast. She is able to sit up on her own, to move herself to a sitting position, and is starting to try to pull herself up to stand. She also has incredible flexibility. Sometimes I look at her and think ouch! She is eating anything she can feed herself. She has a particular fondness for graham crackers and ravioli. You can only imagine the mess. The doctor says the fine motor skills required for this task show she is on target developmentally. I took all these things for granted with the older girls.

She is a happy child too. There is always a smile for everyone in the family. She likes to go back and forth between Mom and Dad, not sure who she wants to hold her. She also likes to play peek-a-boo.

I thought perhaps the girls would have more trouble adjusting, particularly Bophie. There has been nothing. No trouble at all. Bophie is my expert bottle shaker and has taken on her big sister role with pride. The only jealousy we have seen is Juliana wanting my attention when holding Bophie, and that is as it should be. When those moments hit, I try to have room for two.

Things have gone so well the girls are already asking when we can go back and get another. Even little Bophie has decided she would like a brother. Although, I could tell when Grandma came yesterday and I left she was apprehensive. "Where are you going, Mom?" she asked with a very stressed look on her face. She was relieved when I said I had a doctor's appointment too and would be home in a few hours.

Kids Say...

My older girls have really enjoyed showing off their new sister. This started as soon as we received Juliana's referral pictures. They each wanted their own set of pictures to take to their CCD classes so they could tell the other children about their newest sister. Now that CCD has started back, the girls rush down after their classes and beg to take Juliana to show their friends. This past Sunday, Juliana was completely surrounded by little girls all wanting a turn to hold her. She was remarkably compliant with being passed around. She is not so willing to go to adults. It was another of those moments where I was kicking myself for not having my camera. It was just too cute to see all these 5-10 year old girls fawning over this little girl who probably got more attention in that 20 minutes than she had ever had.

I also enjoy the cute stories many parents have shared with us. This adoption journey we were joined by many families' prayers and support. The kids of these families seem to have a special place in their hearts for little Juliana. I will share a few of my favorites.

One 8-year-old little girl was wondering if Juliana would be able to speak English. She thought because Juliana is Chinese, she would speak Chinese.

Another little girl (I think she is about 10) thought I must not know my math. She couldn't figure out how I could be waiting more than 3 years for a baby who was only 10 months old.

My own children are not exempt. I remember trying to explain the ins and outs of the adoption with Bear. She was trying to grasp the fact that Juliana would not grow in my belly, but another woman's. I thought she had it until she pipes up, "Yeah, but Dr. P (my OB) will be there to help her too, so she'll be just fine."

A little boy who followed our blog while we travelled has offered to come up with a list of "B" nicknames for Juliana so she didn't have to just be "baby". I might take him up on this as I am not really happy with that title either, and there is always the hope that I just might someday have another "baby", what would I do then?

Another boy following the blog while in China, asked dh on many occasions what scorpions tasted like. We even were on Skype with that family while in China. When dh said he didn't try one, little T was insistent dh do so and let him know how they were. While dh is pretty brave when it comes to food, he wasn't that brave.

It really has meant so much to us to have so many prayers and such support as we welcomed Juliana into our family. I especially treasure these little stories from the kids.